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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27795673">like the falling summer rain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xies/pseuds/xies'>xies</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Actor Na Jaemin, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Idol Lee Jeno, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Slow Burn, like reaaally slow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 11:34:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27795673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xies/pseuds/xies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The distant sound of Jaemin’s easy laugh echoes in his mind, a laugh soft and steady, like the falling summer rain that never seems to stop.</p><p>(or: Jeno gets casted for his first role in a drama. It's just his luck his childhood friend, A list actor Na Jamin, gets casted in it too.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>NCT Bigbang Round 1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>like the falling summer rain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello! wow i can't believe this chapter is finally done. a huge thank you to tsanka, val, and especially ado, for all the patience and hand holding in the process of writing this fic. lastly, thank you to nctbb admin, reya!</p><p>check out <a href="https://twitter.com/suhreaIist/status/1333437764696633344">alon's</a> amazing <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0VP1N0dHLXMfdnDpMF5zdL">playlist</a> for this fic!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>⇥</p><p>
  <em>present</em>
</p><p>The first day of summer is, coincidentally, Jeno’s first day on set. He wakes up early in the morning, trying his best to not fall asleep while taking a hot shower. He’s not usually one to complain about having to wake up before dawn, but it’s been a while since he’s had a schedule, let alone this early in the morning.</p><p>He sleep-walks to the car, sitting silently on the passenger seat. It’s as he gets past the familiar streets, already on the way to the set, that the realization of his first day of work starts to dawn upon him.</p><p>Twenty minutes later, his manager parks just outside the building he’s going to be visiting for the next few weeks. He’s nervous, to say the least, a knot in the pit of his stomach that makes him regret having breakfast this morning.</p><p>It’s not the work that has him uneasy, per se. It’s mostly because, well — on top of being his first time acting, there’s the fact that he’s also an <em>idol</em>. He knows what most people think about idols going into acting. Even if he hasn’t let that get to him before, it’s certainly a thought that’s been plaguing his mind for the past week or so.</p><p>He exits the car, and his manager smiles reassuringly at him as they walk inside, a hand on his shoulder, as if he knows what Jeno could be thinking. He nods, and squeezes Kanghee’s hand, walking beside him. He shoves all thoughts to the back of his mind as he enters the set, and focuses on breathing, in and out. There’s no point in getting worked up now.</p><p>He’s earlier than everyone else, besides a few people from the staff that he greets on his way to the makeup station. He greets the makeup artist, and she starts working on his face right after, as they are supposed to take a few photos after this.</p><p>“Looks like we arrived too early, hm?” His manager says. He looks sleepy too, and Jeno feels a pang of guilt at the sight of the deep circles under his eyes. He was the one who insisted on getting here before they needed to.</p><p>“Don't worry,” Jeno says. He puts on a small smile, but his makeup artist frowns at him, and he relaxes his face again. “I’ll just hang out for a while. You don’t have to stay.”</p><p>“No, it’s okay.” From the mirror, he can see his manager smile at him. “I’ll wait for you in the coffee room until rehearsals start.”</p><p>“Great,” Jeno says, and he almost nods, but he stops himself, remembering that he shouldn’t move. It’s almost a habit now, stopping himself right before moving. He doesn’t like to upset makeup artists, like he did just now. “Thanks.”</p><p>His manager nods at him, and exits the room, leaving Jeno alone with the makeup artist, Jungeun.</p><p>And once he does, it’s hard to control his thoughts, especially while staying still, eyeing his reflection in the giant mirror before him without really seeing himself. He shakes his right leg, a bad habit, as Mark says.</p><p>He’s restless, and his mind won’t stop racing. Because it’s been a while since he last talked to Jaemin, and even more since he last saw him, apart from last week. They aren’t on bad terms, but, well — to say things are a bit complicated between them is an understatement. He didn’t get to talk to him when doing the table reading, except for practicing their lines in front of everyone. Now, he’s not sure what to expect of him, especially when Jaemin’s the senior in the industry, an industry that Jeno’s getting his first taste of as the second male lead.</p><p>“Looking for someone?” Jungeun asks, her brush stopping closer to his eyelids.</p><p>“I, uh—” Jeno mutters, startled. Almost unconsciously, his eyes had drifted to the door, trying to catch the shadow of a once familiar figure. Out of the corner of his eyes, he meets Jungeun’s curious gaze. “No, sorry,” he says, smiling sheepishly at her.</p><p>“No problem,” she replies, tilting her head slightly to the side, like she’s still thinking about it, on the verge of asking more. But then she just shrugs, and continues applying eyeshadow to his eyes. “Just don’t move too much or use your phone while I do your makeup and we’re good.”</p><p>“Noted,” Jeno replies, giving her an unnecessary thumbs up with his free hand, mostly out of nervousness.</p><p>“Are you excited?” Jungeun asks, her eyes focused on his. His makeup isn't done yet, but Jeno can tell from a quick glance to the mirror that it’s much softer, subtler than what he’s used to.</p><p>“I am,” Jeno replies, blinking when she turns around to pick up another brush. She tells him to close his eyes, and he does. He's excited, truly. Acting was always something he wanted to try. But at the same time, he's also scared.</p><p>“I think you’ll do great, honestly,” she says then, and Jeno can tell she means it. “I’m done now. Take a look.”</p><p>Jeno stares at the mirror she holds in front of his face. His eye bags are now camouflaged under the foundation and the orange and peach concealer. There’s no harsh eyeliner or glitter on his face, and his nose and eyes and jaw are contoured differently, but he decides he likes this version of him a lot too.</p><p>“Thank you,” he says, smiling at her.</p><p>It’s the first sincere smile he’s managed to pull ever since he woke up.</p><p> </p><p>He meets Jaemin, he <em>really </em>meets Jaemin for the first time in a while, on the way back to his manager. He’s with someone by his side, his agent or his own manager, maybe. He looks different from the last time Jeno had seen him in person, a week ago —and before that, three years ago— but the shock isn’t as much as it could have been, for that exact reason.</p><p>His hair's now dyed black for this role, as opposed to the dark brown he sported last week. It makes him look sharper, the shadows on his face harsher. The only difference between last week and now, apart from the hair color, is that this Jaemin looks a lot more tired and less put together, maybe because it’s also way earlier in the morning. Even then, he looks devastatingly handsome, and Jeno has to swallow the thought away.</p><p>His heart speeds up at the sight of him moving towards the end of the hall, where he’s standing. For the briefest of moments, he considers hiding, turning back on his heel and walking away, but then Jaemin spots him from across the hallway, and there’s nothing he can do.</p><p>Jeno curses in his head, wiping the sweat on the back of his hands on his jeans.</p><p>Jeno stays frozen in place, and Jaemin walks up to him. The person by his side seems to be taken aback by the sudden motion, but once he sees Jeno he seems to decide to not comment on it.</p><p>“Oh, hi, umh—” Jeno says, only to stop himself. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to act, how they are supposed to go around this. They were always with other people last week, and they never approached each other before. He tries to put on a smile, as he bows to Jaemin, and then to the stranger. “Hello, I’m Lee Jeno,” he says, looking at the stranger.</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you,” Jaemin says, bowing back to him. If he’s surprised or uneasy, he doesn't show it. His smile is all politeness, just a bit tight around the corners, and it doesn’t reach his eyes. It's an expression Jeno has seen many times before on Jaemin, directed to his teachers, to his peers, maybe even to his father — but never, ever at him before. “I hope we can work well together, Jeno-ssi."</p><p>Truthfully, it's not the smile, but his tone when speaking to him that feels like a punch in the stomach to Jeno. His voice is cold, detached. He's speaking like this is the first time he’s ever seen Jeno in his life.</p><p>And it <em>hurts</em>.</p><p>“Me too, me too,” Jeno replies, unable to say anything else. He doesn’t have to, anyway, because someone calls for Jaemin, and he excuses himself, and keeps on walking. The person by his side nods at him before trailing behind Jaemin.</p><p>Jeno has barely enough time to collect his heart, piece by piece, before he goes back.</p><p> </p><p>⟲</p><p>
  <em>7 years ago</em>
</p><p>Jeno gets casted to be part of SM at barely sixteen years old, almost by the end of summer.</p><p>When the stranger —an agent, she says— asks him if he’s interested in training to become an idol, Jeno lets out an aborted laugh, uncomfortable, but just because he truly believes it’s a joke. But it isn't, it really isn’t. The woman laughs with him, and gives him a card, telling him to think about it.</p><p>And Jeno, strangely, does.</p><p>Because Jaemin has acting, he knows what he wants to do, has known for a while now.</p><p>But Jeno? Jeno has nothing to hold onto. But he wants to, too. He wants to find something to pour his heart into.</p><p>His mind goes back to his birthday, a few weeks ago, and he remembers this weight on his chest when Jaemin had told him he had an audition. It wasn't jealousy, but what he now understands is this feeling of inadequacy, this strange, paralyzing fear of being left behind.</p><p>By the end of the week, Jeno calls back.</p><p> </p><p>⇥</p><p>present</p><p>On the second day of filming, he arrives to set with enough time to spare. This time his manager doesn’t stay around, and fills the gaps in time with carefully curated playlists and text messages to Mark and Donghyuck.</p><p>He doesn’t run into Jaemin until noon, when Jeno actually starts filming his scene, and Jaemin's finally done with his own. Even if their characters are best friends and rivals, they aren’t going to be filming together, not really, until Friday.</p><p>Jaemin stays back to see the very first scene. Jeno can see him, observing from the very back of the room, but when the camera starts rolling, he tunes him out, and only focuses on delivering his lines while trying to hit the mark.</p><p>It’s supposed to be a funny monologue about his feelings for Mina, Hyunjin’s character, as he studies, pacing around his room. He soon gets into it, trying to incorporate the suggestions the director had made at the table reading, and just a few hours ago, at rehearsal.</p><p>“And,” the director says, stretching the word after Jeno finishes delivering his lines. “<em>Cut</em>.”</p><p>Jeno is asked to do it again, from the top. And again. And again. The director keeps suggesting all these little things to try, and Jeno does, or at least he tries to.</p><p>After half an hour has passed, Jeno's done. The director gives him a thumbs up, and tells him to go change for the next scene.</p><p>Jeno smiles, satisfied, before one of the members of the crew approaches him and guides him out of the room. Jaemin's still at the door, and when they cross paths Jeno considers saying something. Maybe wishing him good luck for tomorrow, even though he doesn’t need it.</p><p>There’s a buzz around them from the loud conversations, the clattering from the people moving around, and Jeno inhales when he sees Jaemin already looking at him with an unreadable expression.</p><p>“Good work,” he says.</p><p>Jeno feels his eyes widen, and he doesn’t know what to say back to the compliment. It’s unexpected, to say the least. He clears his throat, realizing an uncomfortable amount of time has passed, and just says, “Thanks.”</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Jaemin immediately replies, offering him a smile — and it’s a small one, but this time, it looks genuine.</p><p>Jeno can finally breathe again.</p><p> </p><p>“How was it?” Mark asks him at the end of the day, when they are both hunched over the quick dinner that he had put together just a few minutes ago — rice and kimchi leftovers from the day before. It’s late into the night, way too late to be eating dinner, but Mark had just come back from the studio a few minutes ago, and Jeno from the filming set.</p><p>Jeno sighs and stretches his legs under the small space of the table, bumping into Mark’s knees. “Well,” he starts, blowing the steam off his rice before shoving a sporkful of it into his mouth. God, it’s been a long day. “We exchanged like four words today. Not enough for a conversation, but it was—” Jeno pauses, considering. He doesn’t think Jaemin holds any hard feelings against him, but... “I think it’s just awkward between us, you know? And I can’t blame him for that.”</p><p>“Mmm,” Mark hums, a hand on his chin as he changes the song currently playing on his phone. Jeno recognizes the tune, a song he always listens to. “Wait, do you think I could convince Donghyuck to do a cover of this song?” Mark asks. “It’s nice.”</p><p>Jeno smiles, because he knows that Donghyuck doesn’t really need convincing. He takes another bite of food, and says, “It’s really nice, hyung. I think Donghyuck’s gonna like it too.”</p><p>Mark seems to catch something off with his voice, because he puts his phone down, and looks up. “Yeah, well,” he says, with his this-is-something-serious tone of voice, the one that makes Jeno smile again. “Anyway, I think you should try to talk to him again, if this is bothering you.”</p><p>“Really?” Jeno asks, the rice heavy on his mouth. But he isn’t surprised. Mark has always been the most straightforward out of all of them.</p><p>“You said there’s no hard feelings, right?” Mark insists. “What could go wrong?”</p><p>“Lots of things could go wrong,” Jeno says honestly. The distant sound of Jaemin’s easy laugh echoes in his mind, a laugh soft and steady, like the falling summer rain that never seems to stop.</p><p>Jeno shakes his head, and the memory goes away.</p><p>“But you will try anyway,” Mark says, interrupting his thoughts. “I don’t know everything that happened between you and Jaemin, but I know you, Jeno. And I know you can’t leave things just like that.”</p><p>Jeno laughs, shaking his head again.</p><p>“That you do."</p><p> </p><p>⟲</p><p>
  <em>8 years ago</em>
</p><p>Jeno’s first summer with Jaemin goes a little bit like this: afternoons spent lazing around on Jeno’s couch or Jaemin’s bed. Not wanting to move if they could help it, sweat and warmth clinging to their skin. The sun burning down on Jeno’s nape, a slight tan on his face and arms from riding his bike with Jaemin by his side.</p><p>It’s shared ice creams, bought with the last bit of Jeno’s savings, and high pitched screams after Jaemin uses the hose to wet Jeno from head to toe when his mother asks him to water the grass.</p><p>It’s scraped knees, and tears in his eyes that he refuses to let fall, it’s laughter, it’s Jaemin’s wide smile and soft hand close to his own — and it’s also this <em>feeling,</em> creeping up Jeno’s fingers, and up, up, up to his heart. It makes the edges blurry and soft, a type of haziness that Jeno isn’t used to, that’s like running under the sun, leaving him exhausted, hot, feverish, <em>burning</em>.</p><p>That summer, Jeno learns what it feels like to fly too close to the sun.</p><p> </p><p>⇥</p><p>
  <em>present</em>
</p><p>When Friday comes, the last day of filming for the week, Jeno wishes he could say he’s not as nervous anymore. He’s had time to prepare for this, and he’s become comfortable enough with his character the past few days, but this is still his first time shooting with Jaemin, and that’s enough to make him feel on the edge.</p><p>When he goes to get makeup done, Jaemin's already there, with the other makeup artist. Jeno eyes him for a second, before plopping down on his usual seat, right next to the one Jaemin's currently in.</p><p>“Hey,” Jaemin says, looking at him through the reflection in the mirror, keeping still so he doesn’t disturb the makeup artist.</p><p>“Hi,” Jeno says, giving him a small smile in return. Jungeun greets him and starts working on his face without even waiting for a reply. Jeno looks at the mirror in front of him, trying not to let his eyes wander to the figure by his side.</p><p>“Are you ready for today? Jaemin asks him suddenly, and Jeno startles, not expecting to hear his voice.</p><p>“Yeah,” Jeno says when Jungeun is retrieving another brush from the table. “I think so,” he adds, sounding a lot less confident than he intended to be.</p><p>“You think?” Jaemin says, raising an eyebrow. It’s teasing, Jeno can tell from the way his mouth curls upwards just the tiniest bit.</p><p>“Well... ” Jeno hums, cheeks burning.</p><p>Jaemin smiles at him through the reflection of the mirror as he stands up, his make up already finished. “You’ll be okay.”</p><p>“It’s my first time acting,” he admits. It feels like a quiet confession, even though it’s an obvious one, if Jaemin had done so much as to read anything about him online. The articles about this debut in acting had been trending for a few days, next to the rumours about Jaemin’s upcoming drama, when he was still in conversations for his role.</p><p>“I know,” Jaemin replies, a tentative hand coming to his shoulder for a few seconds. “The first times are always the hardest. Still, you’re hard working, and you’ve done great so far. I’m rooting for you, <em>Jeno-ssi</em>.”</p><p>It sounds sincere, even slightly teasing, with the way he says his name, and Jeno's once again left without words for a good few seconds.</p><p>Finally, he reciprocates Jaemin’s smile. This definitely feels like progress. “Thank you, Jaemin.”</p><p> </p><p>⇥</p><p>
  <em>present</em>
</p><p>The scene goes well. He's nervous, but when he sees Jaemin get into his character, an easy and carefree smile on his face, Jeno decides to let go too. It's hard, with all the cameras and lights and crew around them, but he finds that if he focuses enough on Jaemin’s smile, hand on his shoulder, it gets easier.</p><p>It's familiar, reminiscent of other summers before this one playing on his head for a split second before he shakes the memories away.</p><p>Jeno does his lines successfully, and at the end of the scene they laugh together, like they are supposed to, and Jeno's heart stammers upon hearing Jaemin's laugh.</p><p>They have good chemistry, or so the director says. They repeat the scene a few more times, but far less times than Jeno had to do on his first day. By the end, Jeno doesn't feel as nervous anymore, and he leans into Jaemin for the last bit, laughing into his shoulder.</p><p>The director praises him for the spontaneous gesture, and Jaemin smiles at him.</p><p>"See? I knew you'd be great," he says. "There's no such thing as impossible for <em>The</em> Lee Jeno."</p><p>If there's any fondness in his voice, Jeno doesn't catch it. He only smiles, because he can't help but be happy. He trained hard before becoming an idol, and he'd always been good at it once he debuted, but this is something else entirely. It's a challenge, but he's happy, so happy to have accepted it, to be here with Jaemin, that he can't do anything but laugh and smile while they finish the scene.</p><p> </p><p>To celebrate the end of the first week of work, Yerim, the lead actress, suggests going to a nearby restaurant to eat. Jeno's unsure at first, as he doesn't know anyone yet, and even then, he'd have to check with his manager first. But then Yerim asks him if he's coming in front of everyone, and Jaemin looks at him from across the room with a smile on his face, and Jeno blurts out a <em>yes </em>without even thinking about it twice.</p><p>Just like that, Jeno finds himself in a restaurant almost half an hour later, sitting next to Yerim and Jaemin.</p><p>"C'mon, Jeno," Yerim says, looking directly at him. "Tell us about you! We're dying to know about our pretty idol co-star," she says, and her words are teasing, but polite and enthusiastic. "I'm pretty sure no one has heard you talk much here yet."</p><p>"Jeno's just shy," Jaemin says mindlessly while looking at his phone. His mind seems to catch up to his mouth then, because he looks up from his phone with wide eyes. “I mean— He just… He takes some time to warm up to people.”</p><p>Jeno clears his throat, nodding, and faces Yerim instead.</p><p>"Yeah, and this is umh, well, a lot to get used to, too," he says sincerely, trying not to feel overwhelmed under the attention of everyone on the table, and also trying not to think much about Jaemin’s words. "But I'm getting there. It's been really fun, and I'm hoping to get to know you all more in the next few weeks, so please take care of me in the meanwhile."</p><p>"You're so cute, Jeno," Yerim says, smiling at him approvingly. "Don't worry about it, we've all been there," she continues, giving him a soft pat on his cheek. The conversation shifts then, everyone talking about their first jobs. Jeno lets out a sigh of relief.</p><p>It’s only a moment later than the waitress comes to give them their drinks. He still hasn’t decided on what he’s going to eat, and he takes a few sips of his beer as he contemplates the menu.</p><p>He hasn't eaten much today, not for hours, and the alcohol leaves him sleepy and just a tiny bit dazed. It would worry him if he didn’t know he doesn’t get drunk easily, and that his manager will come to get him in less than an hour.</p><p>When he finishes the beer, he turns to look at Jaemin, who's also been more quiet than usual. Not that Jeno knows how he’s usually like, because he doesn't <em>really </em>know Jaemin, definitely not this twenty something year old version of him — but <em>still</em>.</p><p>He subtly shifts towards him, but Jaemin is already looking at him, a glass of wine on his hand. They lock eyes, and Jeno's heart skips a beat.</p><p>He opens his mouth, and closes it again.</p><p>"Thank you for today," Jeno says, nervous. It's almost a slip of the tongue, but he means it nonetheless. Jaemin’s words helped him before at the set, and he definitely made shooting easier for him too.</p><p>"No need to be so <em>formal,</em> Jeno-ssi," is what Jaemin replies, a smile on his face as he comes closer to him ever so slightly.</p><p>Almost unconsciously, Jeno mimics his actions, because even after all these years, Jeno’s still a star — a lonely, tiny star orbiting around someone else.</p><p>"What about you, then, <em>Jaemin-ssi</em>?" Jeno asks, in a similar tone that Jaemin had used to call him.</p><p>"Maybe I like the honorifics," Jaemin replies, all too teasing, and Jeno laughs softly. Jaemin seems amused, and he opens his mouth, like he’s about to say something else, but the moment's interrupted when the waitress comes back to take their orders.</p><p>They don't say much to each other after that.</p><p>By the end of the night, Jeno still doesn't know where he stands with Jaemin, but for now, this feels like enough.</p><p> </p><p>⇥</p><p>
  <em>present</em>
</p><p>Something shifts between them after that dinner. When he tells Jaemin he's nervous about a particular scene while doing their makeup, Jaemin offers to practice with him, and Jeno doesn't think about it twice. He usually practices most of his lines alone, or maybe with Yukhei or Mark, if they have time, but practicing with Jaemin is way better, not only because he's a professional actor, but also because he’s kind enough to give Jeno valuable feedback.</p><p>After that, they start hanging out on set, much to Jeno's surprise. It’s a relief, really, to be able to talk to Jaemin. And he wants to say how much of a relief it is, but he doesn't want to risk making it awkward, especially when they are just starting to get used to each other's company again.</p><p>It's a delicate balance, and he knows it, with the way Jaemin avoids coming too close to him or touching him for too long.</p><p>It’s delicate, this thing between them, like a flower blossoming too late in the year, weak and fragile, and Jeno doesn’t want to risk crushing it or stepping on it. This time, he'll be careful enough for the both of them. This time, he won’t repeat the mistakes he made years ago, and it'll be enough.</p><p>It has to be enough.</p><p> </p><p>⟲</p><p>
  <em>8 years ago</em>
</p><p>“I want to be an actor,” Jaemin tells him on one of the countless summer days, one of those days that Jeno doesn’t know if it’s Tuesday or Wednesday, or maybe even Thursday, but he’s sure it’s still August, because it’s summer, and Jaemin’s birthday will be soon. It’s almost out of nowhere. Jaemin’s tone makes it sound like it’s a light comment, thrown at the air. Jeno stops dead in his track, frozen in place, because—</p><p>“<em>What</em>?”</p><p>“I was in the theater club when I was little, you know?” Jaemin says, carefully putting his arms on the counter, and Jeno finally puts down the knife he was using to cut the vegetables for dinner, as his mom had asked him.</p><p>“Seriously?” Jeno says, eyes widening. “Why didn’t I know about this?”</p><p>“It never came up, I guess,” Jaemin replies, lowering his head. “But yeah… I signed up for acting classes, starting next week.” He tells it like it’s a secret, voice low and guarded, and Jeno can tell from his reaction how important it truly is for Jaemin.</p><p>“And what did your mom say?” He asks, picking up the knife nonchalantly.</p><p>“She’s actually paying for my classes,” Jaemin says, and Jeno smiles. Of course. “She was supportive, as well as my grandma.”</p><p>“And your dad?” Jeno asks, and Jaemin grimaces, a gesture that tells him that they probably had a long, unpleasant discussion about the matter.</p><p>“Let’s just say he doesn’t think I’m going to be the next Lee Minho,” Jaemin says with a smile, and Jeno lets out a snort, shaking his head at Jaemin’s attempt to cover how truly upset he is about it.</p><p>But Jeno knows he won’t get anything out of him even if he prods, so he starts cutting the green onion without saying anything about it. “I’ve always thought you’d be a great dancer, to be honest,” he tells him instead, pausing for a second to lift his eyes and give him a smile. “But I think you’d be a good actor too, Jaemin-ah. No, I know you’re going to be amazing.”</p><p>Jaemin smiles back, finally lifting his head from the counter. It's a pretty smile, and most importantly, a geniune one.</p><p>“Thank you, Jen.”</p><p> </p><p>⇥</p><p>
  <em>present</em>
</p><p>After filming the first two episodes, they get the green light for filming eight more. The first episode is going to be airing in two weeks, on a Friday night, and Jeno already made everyone at the dorms promise they’d watch it together.</p><p>As time passes, Jeno gets more and more used to spending time on set, his schedule busy for at least two days of filming a week, usually. He knows the best places to rest, apart from the room he shares with another actor, and he has his favorite vending machine, by the east wing, the only one he can get his favorite sour candy at.</p><p>His lunches are quiet, usually spent hunching over some leftovers from yesterday while watching some random video Chenle had sent to the group chat. That's why when he sees a figure leaning into the door as he settles down to have lunch, he startles, almost dropping his phone to the floor.</p><p>“Sorry," Jaemin says, smiling almost sheepishly. "I didn't mean to scare you."</p><p>Jeno sighs, hand on his chest, but he waves to Jaemin in dismissal. "That's okay," he says, uncrossing his legs from his lap and wrapping his fingers around his phone. "You just surprised me."</p><p>Jaemin nods, entering the room, slowly making his way to Jeno. “Are you—" he pauses, a hand coming to his neck, and Jeno tilts his head, confused by the sudden awkwardness. "Are you having lunch by yourself?”</p><p>“Umh,” Jeno hums, shifting on his seat. There's an unexpected tension between them right now, one Jeno can't put his finger on, but it leaves him on the edge, heart beating fast on his chest. “Yeah? I was just about to."</p><p>“Can I join you?” Jaemin asks, eyes never leaving Jeno. "I was actually thinking we could go somewhere, if you'd like. I know we don't have much time, but there's this place close by that I think you'd really like."</p><p>Jeno opens his mouth, surprised by the sudden invitation. It's not that he doesn't want to go, but they'd probably have to rush to eat, and Jeno doesn't like to run around, especially during summer time.</p><p>Then again, he doesn't want Jaemin to think he’s rejecting him for the wrong reasons.</p><p>"Oh, nevermind," Jaemin says, moving his hand back and forth. "It's okay. I didn't mean to—" his voice drops, low and quiet. "That came out of nowhere, I guess."</p><p>"No," Jeno rushes to say, standing up from the chair, which makes a screeching noise when dragging across the floor. "Let's just—" he pauses, struggling to find the words he wants to say. "What do you say we go next week instead? Friday, maybe?"</p><p>Jeno sighs. Well. Not exactly what he meant to say, but it’s something, at least.</p><p>Jaemin seems to consider it for a long second, before he finally settles. "Yeah," he says, and Jeno lets out the breath he was holding. "Sounds like a plan."</p><p>"Great," Jeno says, mimicking Jaemin's smile. Funnily enough, this also feels like progress, somehow. "Do you want to share?" He says, pointing at his lunch. It's not much, but he’s not that hungry, and he can always use this as an excuse to get more sour candy from the vending machine.</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaemin laughs, low and deep. “I’d love to."</p><p> </p><p>⟲</p><p>
  <em>6 years ago</em>
</p><p>Life as a trainee is as hard as Jeno would’ve expected, if not even more. He’s not in the studio full time during his first year, like some of his hyungs are, given that he still has school to attend, but he still pretty much goes every day he can.</p><p>During summer holidays, though, he starts to stay in the dorms on weekdays. His parents are worried for him at first, and he’s still not used to it, but it’s better than travelling for about an hour to SM’s building everyday after school.</p><p>He meets Mark first. He’s one of the youngest trainees, just a year older than Jeno, but he’s been here for longer than some of the other trainees. He’s a favorite, it seems. There are rumors he even talks to some of the idols under the label. Jeno had only seen him a couple of times, brief interactions in the dance studio, mostly.</p><p>It’s a surprise for the both of them when they get taken out from practice together one day.</p><p>“Jeno, Mark,” one of the hyungs from the staff says in the hallway. Jeno doesn’t know if he has seen him before. “This is Donghyuck. He's new.”</p><p>Just then Jeno notices a boy standing a couple of meters away from them, looking at them from afar with a shy smile.</p><p>Jeno smiles back, and that’s how it starts.</p><p> </p><p>⇥</p><p>
  <em>present</em>
</p><p>Wednesday of the same week, Jeno is nervous all over again. Maybe not as he had been in the first week, but still. He's supposed to film an intense scene with Hyunjin, and she's one of the few people he still hasn't talked to, their schedules never quite matching, even though their characters are supposed to end up together, later on.</p><p>When he comments this to Jaemin, he offers to go through the scene with him. This time, though, Jeno doesn’t immediately accept. Because in this scene, he's supposed to come close to Hyunjin, tell her that he thinks she's stuck up, that he doesn't like her that way like he did when they were kids, even when it isn't true.</p><p>"C'mon," Jaemin says, nudging him with his elbow. "I'm even going to let you kiss me," he teases, raising his eyebrows suggestively.</p><p>It’s a joke, but Jeno's heart skips a beat still, and his ears are red before he can help it. He mutters an almost inaudible <em>fine</em>, one that Jaemin would have missed if he wasn’t so close. He had forgotten how it felt like to be the victim of Jaemin's flirtiness, eyes bright and warm as he looked right at you.</p><p>"So, where do you want to start?" Jaemin asks, looking at the spare copy of the script Jeno had handed him. It's the one he'd given Mark while practicing last week, and it's filled with random song lyrics on the margins. Jeno's own script is even worse, almost every page annotated, random thoughts about the characters or the scenes he had while reading the script.</p><p>“Page 10, I think? Line three is...” he pauses, going through the words again. “Well, she has to come near me and...”</p><p>“Almost kiss you?” Jaemin finishes for him. It's in the script, the <em>“coming close enough for them to be able to kiss, but not actually going through with it.”</em></p><p>“I kind of don’t know what to do with myself at that part,” he admits, a blush creeping up his cheeks. "I know that internally, I'm supposed to be surprised and flustered, but at the same time I don't want to show that to her."</p><p>“What do you think your character would do, Jeno?” Jaemin asks. And it's a question Jeno definitely has asked himself a lot before, too. “You can always ask the director, to be honest. She's really nice, she won’t mind if you ask this type of questions, but—” Jaemin makes a deliberate pause. "I think this can be a good exercise too."</p><p>Jeno nods, humming to himself. "I think," he starts, glancing at his lines once again. "I think that since he's flustered, he would try to take some distance. Maybe just by crossing his arms over his chest or looking away from her from time to time."</p><p>“I think that’s a great idea.” Jaemin smiles approvingly, and Jeno breathes out, relieved. "Do you want to practice that, then?"</p><p>"Yes," Jeno says, and Jaemin straightens up, taking a few steps towards him, the smile fading from his lips to form a tight line instead. It’s incredible to watch it happen, how easy Jaemin can fall into his character.</p><p>"Why don't you just admit that you like me?" he says, and Jeno immediately tenses, trying to get into his role too.</p><p>"You really think everyone likes you, huh?" Jeno replies, the line coming naturally to him by now. He tries to add an edge to the tone of his voice, but he’s not sure he succeeds, so he repeats the line once again, adjusting his voice.</p><p>"Not everyone," Jaemin says after he’s done, glancing at the script for a second before coming closer to Jeno, just by a few centimetres. "Just <em>you</em>."</p><p>"I don't like you anymore," Jeno continues, adding a pause to look at Jaemin intensely. He can count his eyelashes from how close they are right now, he can see the glint in his eyes and the pretty curve of his lips. "Not everyone's going to fall at your feet when you want them to, <em>Mina</em>."</p><p>Even though the name's grounding, Jaemin scoffs, and it feels a little too real, with the way he scrunches his eyebrows together, curling his lips upward to form a smirk.</p><p>"Sure," Jaemin replies, a hand coming to cup Jeno's chin, a gesture definitely not in the script, and Jeno <em>flushes</em>. "Keep telling yourself that." Jaemin's voice is velvety, teasing, and for a second, Jeno forgets that he's supposed to come even closer.</p><p>But he can't. Not when Jaemin looks at him like <em>that</em>, a smirk on his face, lips close enough that if Jeno were to tip forward, they'd kiss.</p><p>Jaemin's eyes wander down, shamelessly glancing at Jeno's lips, and it's so familiar that Jeno has to take a step backwards, heart racing on his chest, the ghost of Jaemin's lips on his from a long, long time ago.</p><p>Jeno smiles weakly, taking the script from the table so he has something to hold onto. "Well, that was good!" he exclaims. "Thank you, Jaemin."</p><p>Jaemin laughs, taking a step towards him and giving him a pat on the back. "You're welcome," he says, and Jeno blinks a few times. "And don't worry, it's pretty normal to get nervous, you know?"</p><p>"Is it?" Jeno asks, hopeful.</p><p>"Not really," Jaemin says, serious, and Jeno gapes at him before Jaemin laughs again. "I'm just messing with you, Jeno-ssi. I’m sorry, but—” Jaemin pauses to squeeze his shoulder ever so slightly. “You're <em>still </em>so easy to rile up."</p><p>Jeno wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans. He doesn’t know what makes him nervous, if it’s the words, or the complicit smile Jaemin is giving him. And it's funny, Jeno thinks, that after so many years Jaemin still manages to make him feel like an awkward teenager sometimes, butterflies at the pit of his stomach.</p><p>He smiles, sighing. "Maybe you're just too teasing," he says, as he looks at his phone to look at the hour. Ten minutes until he has to go back to get his hair done.</p><p>Jaemin straightens, taking back his hand from Jeno's shoulder. He laughs, a laugh soft and quiet, familiar in a way that sends chills down Jeno’s spine.</p><p>"Yeah," he says. “Maybe I am.”</p><p> </p><p>⇥</p><p>
  <em>present</em>
</p><p>On Friday, Jaemin offers Jeno to eat something together after work, as they are both the last ones scheduled to film, along with Yerim and Hyunjin. Jeno doesn't know what prompts him to say yes, considering he still feels a bit shaken from the other day, when they were alone practicing — maybe it's the way Jaemin asks him with a shy smile on his face, like he isn't sure what Jeno's going to say, or the way he puts his hand on the back of his head, hesitant, but still looks directly at him while waiting for his answer.</p><p>"Do you think we could sneak into a market?" Jaemin asks him as they are walking towards the parking lot. He's already changed into casual clothes, black Adidas track pants and jacket.</p><p>"I don't think so," Jeno says honestly, opening the door for Jaemin. Jaemin waits for him outside and they start walking side by side. It's hot, humidity immediately sticking to him like second skin. "I've run into fans at the strangest places, to be honest. My manager would have my head if I went to a public food market on a Friday night without anyone from the company," Jeno explains, lowering the cap on his head. He had put it on for that exact reason, but he knows it probably won’t be enough for a place like that. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>"Don’t apologize, you’re right," Jaemin replies, pointing at his car. “Wait,” he says suddenly, stopping to look at him with glinting, mischievous eyes. Jeno tilts his head, curious. "I think I know the perfect place."</p><p>There's a pause, Jaemin's keys dangling in his right hand as they keep walking towards his car. Jeno's back is tickling with sweat from the evening sunlight, and he takes a shallow, hot breath before finally saying, "Alright."</p><p>"Show me."</p><p> </p><p>Jaemin's perfect place turns out to be a <em>haejangguk </em>restaurant hidden in the streets of Mangwon. It's a small place, old wooden tables and big, glass windows, the distinct smell of spicy broth on the air making his stomach groan in hunger.</p><p>The place is almost full, one last table available, but before Jeno can walk towards it, Jaemin takes his hand and guides him to the counter instead. Jeno eyes their hands, clasped together, and then up to the old lady behind the counter.</p><p>"Jaemin-ah! What a nice surprise," she greets him, giving him a bright smile, her eyes crinkling. "Who's your new friend?"</p><p>"This is Jeno," Jaemin says, tugging at his hand so Jeno has to take a step forward. “Jeno, meet the owner of the best <em>haejangguk </em>restaurant you can find in Seoul.”</p><p>"Nice to meet you, Jeno-ssi. Jaemin doesn't bring friends often," she says, looking at him, and Jeno blushes under the attention. "Look at you, you're such a handsome young man!"</p><p>"Thank you, although Jaemin here is very handsome too," he says, smiling. "It’s nice to meet you, ahjumma. And just Jeno is fine."</p><p>"Don’t be modest! And what are you doing standing up?" She exclaims, gesturing at them to come over. Jeno hesitates for a second, glancing at Jaemin, but he only smiles and guides him to the back of the counter, intertwining their fingers together to hold him tighter. "Come, come.”</p><p>She guides them to the back of the store, pointing at a staircase that leads to a second floor. They go up the stairs, Jaemin in front of him, his hand almost slipping out of his. He takes another step, and their fingers barely brush, but at the last second Jaemin reaches out to him again. It's a natural movement, Jaemin still looking ahead of them while securing his hand in his again, but Jeno doesn’t let himself dwell on it.</p><p>“We only use this space for events,” she says, as she gestures around the room. It seems like it's being used as storage as of right now, the tables piled on a corner, boxes all around the place. Even then he can see the brick covered walls, and the dim lights. It's also significantly less busy than downstairs. “Just use whatever table. The usual, Jaemin-ah?”</p><p>“Yes, but add a bottle of soju, please, whatever you recommend,” Jaemin says, giving her a smile as she turns around to go back to the first floor with a nod. “Thank you, ahjumma.”</p><p>“No problem,” she says, mostly the echo of her voice reaching them from the stairs.</p><p>Jaemin seems to remember they are still holding hands, because he looks at them and lets him go, a blush creeping up his cheeks. Jeno doesn’t quite know what to do with that piece of information, that <em>Jaemin is blushing</em>, so he turns around and points out one of the tables.</p><p>“Shall we?”</p><p>“Of course,” Jaemin says behind him, clearing his throat. “Let me help you.”</p><p>They use the closest table, moving it to the corner where there’s less boxes piled up, right next to the window. From here, they can see the streetlights, the bustle of people walking on the streets.</p><p>"Do you want anything else to drink, by the way?" Jaemin asks, taking off his jacket and leaving it on the back of the seat. He's wearing a fitted white cotton shirt underneath, and Jeno smiles. Some things never change. “I have to drive so I can’t join you, but feel free to drink whatever you want.”</p><p>"Soju's perfect, actually," he says, sitting down in front of him. "Thank you, Jaemin."</p><p>Jaemin smiles back, leaning into the table just a little bit. "My pleasure, Jeno."</p><p> </p><p>Some time after they eat and pay for their food, it starts raining. It's the last week of July, and should be the last bits of jangma season, but the rain is still intense enough to worry him.</p><p>“Uh,” Jeno hums, standing up next to the exit to take a look outside. The rain's quickly dampening the asphalt, deep greyish drops on the streets. The people are no longer walking as much as rushing, looking for early cover. “I don’t have an umbrella.”</p><p>“Let’s go buy one,” Jaemin suggests, pointing at the stores across the street from the restaurant. “Do you need me to give you a ride home?”</p><p>“My manager is supposed to pick me up in half an hour,” Jeno replies, checking at his phone. He doesn’t have any new messages yet. “But the rain...” He trails off, looking outside again. The raindrops are gold speckles under the streetlights. The rain is still not as bad as it could be, like it has been for the last few weeks, but it’s probably going to escalate in the next few minutes.</p><p>“My car’s only a three minute walk from here,” Jaemin says, looking outside too. “We can wait at my place, if you want. It’s a twenty minute ride away,” he says, slowly, tentatively. “Or I can give you a ride home, too. Whatever you prefer.”</p><p>“I don’t want to be an inconvenience,” Jeno replies.</p><p>"What?” Jaemin asks, furrowing his eyebrows. “You'd never be an inconvenience for me, Jen," he says, his fingers brushing with his for the briefest of moments before he takes his hand away.</p><p>"I—" Jeno pauses, looking at Jaemin again. He has a worried look on his face, and all of his will to refuse him falters. “Okay,” he settles after a moment of hesitation. It's useless, with the way Jaemin had said those words, like he really meant to say them. "Would you drive me home, then?"</p><p>“Of course,” Jaemin says, taking his hand to run into the rain.</p><p>Even when they are careful, hoodies pulled over their heads as they rush to buy an umbrella, they end up pretty much drenched by the time they get to the store, and later to the car, the rain full on by now.</p><p>They don’t have anything to dry themselves, so Jeno uses his hoodie to try and clean his face and his hair.</p><p>"Do you want to put on some music?" Jaemin asks him, starting the car.</p><p>Jeno turns to look at him, hoodie still on his hair.</p><p>Jaemin’s white shirt is sticking to his body, and Jeno can see the faint trail of muscles underneath it. He looks away, putting the hoodie on his lap as he checks his phone for any new messages from his manager.</p><p>"Yeah, sure," he says, realizing he had not replied to Jaemin's question about the music. His manager had told him to arrive safe, and that he will be waiting for him at the dorms. He sends a quick text back.</p><p>"Here," Jaemin says, handing him his phone with a smile. "It's unlocked and already connected to the car. Just open Spotify."</p><p>"Oh," Jeno mutters under his breath, accepting the phone. The lock screen is a photo of Jaemin smiling, hugging someone else, an actor Jeno doesn't remember the name of. He tries not to think much about it, and he opens Spotify instead, the loading screen mirroring his face for a second.</p><p>"So," Jaemin says, interrupting his thoughts. "Where do I have to drop you off?"</p><p>Right there in the loading screen, under recently listened to, it's a NCT playlist.</p><p><em>His </em>group’s playlist.</p><p>"Sorry, what?" Jeno asks, turning his eyes away from the screen, feeling like he’s been caught looking at something he wasn’t supposed to do.</p><p>“Where do I have to drop you off?” Jaemin repeats. He turns to look back at Jeno, and when their eyes meet, Jeno’s breath hitches. Jaemin’s hair is wet, black strands falling into his forehead and the back of his neck. His shirt is sticking to his torso, and it must be uncomfortable, but he looks happy instead, a playful smile on his lips.</p><p>His smile is open and honest, and Jeno's heart constricts in his chest at the bare sight of him. Jaemin seems to notice something, because he blinks, leaning in ever so slightly. He eyes Jeno’s lips, and Jeno swallows.</p><p>It would be easy.</p><p>It would be so easy, to grab him by the collar of his shirt and kiss Jaemin, to tangle his fingers on his wet hair, Jaemin’s hot breath fanning over his neck—</p><p>“You can put your address and let google do the rest, if you want,” Jaemin says, and Jeno shakes his head, startled, looking down at the screen of the phone again.</p><p>"Right.”</p><p>He types the address on the app, and closes his eyes for a second, waiting for his heart to slow down.</p><p> </p><p>The drive home is mostly quiet, soft music from one of Jaemin's playlists playing in the background, barely loud enough to cover the sound of raindrops hitting the car’s roof. Jeno avoids looking at him and focuses on the road instead, looking outside the window.</p><p>It’s not until two streets before his house that Jaemin speaks again.</p><p>“Hey, Jeno, I was wondering,” he starts, pausing when the light turns green. "My birthday's in two weeks. I'm going to celebrate it in my house and I wanted to know if you wanted to come,” he explains, glancing at him sideways for the briefest of seconds before looking at the road again. “I mean, I'd like it if you'd come. If you want to, of course.”</p><p>God.</p><p>
  <em>Does he want to?</em>
</p><p>“Well, I’d, umh, I’d have to ask my manager first."</p><p>"Oh," Jaemin says, interrupting him. They are almost by the dorms now, and he slows down the car. “No, yeah, of course. Will you let me know, then?” He asks as the car stops right in front of the apartments.</p><p>“Of course,” Jeno replies, smiling to him, hoping he doesn’t sound as unconvincing as it feels. "Goodnight, Jaemin,” he says, a hand by the door of the car. It’s still raining outside, but far less intense than it had been half an hour ago. “And thank you for the food. I really had fun today."</p><p>He takes one last look at Jaemin, the soft, uncertain smile on his face as he opens the door of the car and prepares himself to make a run for it.</p><p>"No problem, Jeno,” he hears at last.</p><p> </p><p>⟲</p><p>
  <em>6 years ago</em>
</p><p>Jeno still remembers Jaemin’s sixteenth birthday, one of the last ones he would actually spend with him. They had lunch together at Jaemin’s place, and later spent the afternoon by the river.</p><p>Jeno had handed him his present there, while they were lying in the grass, and Jaemin had looked incredibly happy with a new roll for his old camera —he only had a few films left— even though it was not much, in Jeno’s opinion.</p><p>Jeno grabbed the gift wrap paper on his hands, smoothing it down with his fingers. It was a perfect square. He had thought about treating him to ice cream, even though they haven't had any this particular summer, like in the old times. Jeno was busier with practice, while Jaemin had been spending half his time in the dance studio they used to visit together, and the other going to auditions or practicing.</p><p>“Do you think—” Jaemin had asked then, as Jeno turned to look at him. Jaemin was looking at the sky instead, biting his lips like he does when he’s having a hard time choosing his words. “Do you think we’ll make it?”</p><p>Jeno had paused, the paper crane he’d been trying to do still only halfway done.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Jaemin could've been talking about their dreams. About him, becoming an actor, and Jeno, debuting. Or about them, as friends. They’d been spending less and less time together lately, but they hadn’t talked about it yet. He had wondered if it bothered Jaemin. He hoped it didn’t.</p><p>Jeno didn't know the answer to Jaemin’s question, back then. </p><p>“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “But I really hope we do.”</p><p>“Really?” Jaemin had asked, sitting up, his hands coming to his knees. He smiled, bright and big and warm, just like the sun on the blue sky. “Don’t forget me when you’re famous, then.”</p><p>“I could never,” Jeno said, huffing. “You, on the other hand,” he had pointed at him. “Well, let’s just say I have my doubts.”</p><p>Jaemin laughed, slapping his arm. Jeno had finished his paper crane then, and showed it to Jaemin. It was colorful, a pattern stamped all over it.</p><p>“I really love those.”</p><p>Jeno smiled as Jaemin retrieved his camera from his backpack.</p><p>“Why now?” Jeno had groaned when he realized what Jaemin wanted to take a picture of. He was sure he had grass on his hair from lying on the ground, and he was sweating too.</p><p>“On the count of three,” Jaemin had said, ignoring him. “One, two—”</p><p>Jeno smiled, showing the paper crane to the camera.</p><p>“Three!”</p><p>The flash had gone off.</p><p> </p><p>⇥</p><p>
  <em>present</em>
</p><p>“You bought instant popcorn?” Jeno asks, looking at Mark sitting down on the couch in front of the tv, two bowls of fresh microwave popcorn on the small table.</p><p>“Yeah!” Mark exclaims, patting the space next to him on the couch. “Just wanted to do something nice.”</p><p>“Thanks,” he says, plopping down next to him. “Where's Lucas?”</p><p>He doesn’t ask about Donghyuck, as he remembers seeing him out of the door in the morning with the manager.</p><p>“He had a schedule today,” Dejun explains, remote in hand. “A photoshoot, I think. But he said he’d watch the re-run with Donghyuck later,” he adds, raising the volume. “Are you excited?”</p><p>“Yes,” Jeno says easily. He's excited to see the final look of the first episode. Just as the last bits of the ads play, he thinks on how to bring up the subject he’s been wanting to talk about for two days already. “So,” he starts, and he thinks there isn’t any easy way of talking about this, anyway. “Jaemin may have invited me to his birthday party.”</p><p>“What?” Mark says, eyes wide as he grabs the bowl tightly on his lap. “Dude, for real?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jeno says, already regretting saying anything. Because it’s just—<em>hard</em>.</p><p>It’s hard to talk about Jaemin.</p><p>“And what did you say?” Mark asks as the ad for the drama starts rolling. Yerim’s face appears on the screen, as she walks through the streets of Seoul.</p><p>“That I’ll let him know,” he replies. It definitely sounds worse now that it did back then. <em>A Ghost of You </em>comes up in big, blue and white letters, and Jeno can feel himself bubbling from excitement and anticipation.</p><p>“Pathetic, hyung,” a voice to their left says. It’s Chenle, who’s looking like he just rolled out of bed. He most likely did.</p><p>“You don’t want to go?” Mark asks, ignoring Chenle’s comment.</p><p>“I do!” Jeno replies, defensive, as Chenle walks up to them and sits on the floor. “But I have to check with Kanghee hyung first anyway, and—”</p><p>“Dude,” Mark interrupts, shrugging. “It’s just a birthday party.”</p><p>“I just—” Jeno says, swallowing hard, looking at the screen so he doesn’t have to face Mark or Chenle. “I don’t know if I should go.”</p><p>“Why not?” Chenle asks, lowering his voice. The drama is about to start, and Jeno feels a rush, a mix of emotions he can’t pinpoint.</p><p>“Jeno,” Mark says, sighing. He sounds way too emphatetic for Jeno’s liking. It sounds like he’s pitying him.</p><p>Jeno hates pity the most.</p><p>Chenle puts a hand on his knee. “Hyung, just be honest with yourself. Do you want to go?”</p><p>And does he?</p><p>Even when this thing with Jaemin still feels fragile, Jeno can’t seem to stay away from him. He doesn’t know what Jaemin wants from him, after all these years, all their past, <em>but—</em></p><p>Jeno wants to figure it out anyway.</p><p>“Yeah, I do,” Jeno finally says, as the opening scene of the drama starts rolling. Yerim, in her room, as she prepares herself for a date. “I want to go.”</p><p>“Then go!” Chenle exclaims.</p><p>“Fine, but don’t yell at me!”</p><p>“That’s our Jeno!” Mark says, ruffling his hair.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Chenle agrees, a smile on his lips. “Now shut up, I actually want to watch the drama.”</p><p>Jeno laughs, turning to the tv screen once again. He feels his phone vibrate on the pocket of his jeans, and he takes it out as he watches Jaemin appear on the screen. He’s preparing for a date too, but he doesn’t know that instead of a date, he’s going to end up helping Yerim.</p><p>It’s a text from an unknown number. He eyes the screen and then his phone again, trying to read the texts at the same time he watches the drama.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>unknown number</strong>
</p><p>are u watching the ep</p><p>i look cute, don’t you think?</p><p> </p><p>Jeno frowns, confused for a second, before he realizes who’s texting him. He lets out a breathy, amused laugh.</p><p>
  <strong>jeno</strong>
</p><p>I’m watching it</p><p>And yeah, you do</p><p>
  <strong>unknown number</strong>
</p><p>i got your number from yerim</p><p>can’t believe she got your number and i didn’t</p><p>i’m hurt, jeno-ssi</p><p>
  <strong>jeno</strong>
</p><p>Maybe if you asked for it, I would’ve given it to you, Jaemin-ssi</p><p>
  <strong>unknown number</strong>
</p><p>so you’re saying that all i gotta do is ask?</p><p>
  <strong>jeno</strong>
</p><p>Exactly that</p><p>
  <strong>unknown number</strong>
</p><p>good to know</p><p>so</p><p>now i’ve got to ask</p><p>are you coming to my birthday, jeno?</p><p> </p><p>Jeno smiles, shaking his head at his phone.</p><p>
  <strong>jeno</strong>
</p><p>Yes, Jaemin-ssi</p><p>Can I bring two people with me?</p><p>
  <strong>unknown number</strong>
</p><p>of course!</p><p>i’ll text you the address!!</p><p>PS: you look cute too, btw</p><p> </p><p>Jeno saves Jaemin’s new number, deletes his old one, and goes back to watching the episode with a smile on his face, as Jeno’s own character takes on the screen.</p><p> </p><p>⇥</p><p>
  <em>present</em>
</p><p>To Donghyuck’s dismay, they arrive at the party at the exact hour Jaemin had said to come. Jeno had convinced him and Mark to join him because he didn’t want to be alone at the party, in case Jaemin was busy with other people, which was most likely to happen. But while Donghyuck is basically late to anything and everything except official schedules, Jeno can’t stand being unpunctual.</p><p>They arrive at the place around 9 pm, and to Jeno’s surprise, Jaemin’s party is nothing like he expected it to be. He thought it'd be bigger, wilder <em>— </em>and even though Jaemin’s house is crowded, people are mostly talking and drinking, and the background music is low.</p><p>Someone who introduces himself as Renjun opens the door <em>—</em>Jeno recognizes him immediately as the same guy Jaemin was hugging in the photo he had as a background picture on his phone<em>—</em> and tells him Jaemin's currently serving drinks in the kitchen.</p><p>“I’m Jeno,” he says, stepping into the living room as per Renjun’s requests. He thinks about how he should introduce himself, but his brain is way slower than his mouth, so he ends up stuttering over his words. “I’m<em>—umh</em>, an old friend of Jaemin’s<em>.</em>”</p><p>“Oh yeah! I know. Jaemin told me about you. His childhood friend, right? It’s nice to meet you,” Renjun says, but before Jeno can actually reply to his question, he speaks again. “Feel free to eat anything. Jaemin will come say hi in a minute, but I can stay with you in the meanwhile.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jeno says, feeling a little uncomfortable for no real reason. Renjun seems nice enough, trying to accommodate them into the party, and offering to stay with them. He thinks about asking for a place to leave the present he brought for Jaemin, but he sees no other gifts in the room, so he doesn’t ask.</p><p>“No problem,” Renjun says, smiling at him. He turns to look at Mark, and asks. “Are you two friends of Jaemin’s too?”</p><p>“No,” Donghyuck says, brushing his bangs off his forehead, like Jeno knows he does when he’s a bit nervous. “I’m Donghyuck and this is Mark. We’re Jeno’s friends.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you,” Mark says, extending a hand to Renjun.</p><p>Renjun eyes Mark’s hand, raising an eyebrow, before chuckling and shaking it. “It’s nice to meet you too,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. He gives the room a look before his eyes meet Donghyuck’s again, a side looped grin on his face. “Did you drive here, by the way? Cause if you did then I’ll have to make sure you don’t have anything to drink tonight.”</p><p>“Well, don’t worry about me,” Donghyuck says, looking at Renjun up and down, and Jeno <em>knows </em>he’s checking him out. <em>Unbelievable</em>. “Mark’s the one driving.”</p><p>“Ah, I see,” Renjun replies, eyeing Mark now, who looks like he’s two seconds away from darting through the door.</p><p>“Don’t sound so disappointed,” Donghyuck jokes, patting Renjun’s shoulder while Renjun laughs. Jeno raises an eyebrow at them, but he’s interrupted before he can even say anything.</p><p>He hears Jaemin before he sees him. His voice sounds loud from the room next to them —the kitchen, Renjun had said— and then he's coming through the door, holding three tall glasses on his hand, talking to someone, a boy taller than him that's also carrying drinks in his hands.</p><p>Jaemin's wearing jeans and a pink silk shirt that looks good against his slightly tanned skin. He looks happy, a carefree smile on his face, and Jeno smiles at the sight of him almost unconsciously.</p><p>Jaemin notices them standing on the other side of the room, and they lock eyes. “Jeno!” he exclaims, trying to greet him from afar, but apparently forgetting he still has three glasses of champagne on his hands. He panics for a second, one of the drinks almost spilling onto the floor, but he regains balance at the last second. "<em>Close</em>," he mouths at Jeno. He puts the glasses on the table, saying something to the boy who was with him before walking up to them.</p><p>Jeno takes a step to the front to meet him.</p><p>“Hey,” Jeno says once he's within hearing range. “Happy birthday, Jaemin."</p><p>"Thank you," he replies, opening his arms for a hug. Jeno stills for a second, but then opens his arms too, hugging him with one arm, the present still on his left hand. "Thank you for coming."</p><p>"Thank you for inviting me,” Jeno says, feeling Jaemin chuckling in his ear. “Here.”</p><p>“Oh, thank you!” Jaemin repeats, accepting the gift. It’s a bit heavy, so Jeno holds until he’s sure Jaemin can do it by himself. He feels heat creeping up his ears, the weight of the present on his hands making him feel self conscious. He wonders if it’s too childish. If Jaemin will even like it. “I’ll open it later. Can I get you anything, by the way?”</p><p>“Sure,” Jeno says. “Beer would be nice.”</p><p>Jaemin smiles, nodding. “Beer it is.”</p><p> </p><p>Two hours, a lot of beer and laughter later, Jeno starts to wonder why he didn’t want to come in the first place. Jaemin, Renjun and Jisung —the tall boy who had been helping Jaemin— are nice and welcoming, and with the addition of Donghyuck to the mix, there’s never a dull moment, to say the least.</p><p>They end up sitting in the dining room, taking turns to play a card game while drinking, everyone except for Mark, who has to drive.</p><p>“Jeno,” Jaemin says. Jeno hums in acknowledgement, eyes not leaving his cards. “Remember that time we played Uno in high school?”</p><p>Jeno immediately knows what Jaemin's referring to. He remembers they had been playing with other friends, and Jaemin had cheated for him, sliding him a +4 when no one was watching, a smile on his face seconds later, like nothing had happened.</p><p>“I do,” Jeno says, watching as Renjun draws a card from the table, everyone either looking at him or at their own cards. Jaemin winks at him, and puts a card on his thigh. A movement that from this angle no one can see.</p><p>Jeno takes the card. It was the one he was missing.</p><p>He can’t help but feel guilty, but also kind of moved that Jaemin had given him the card he needed.</p><p>But before he can do anything with it, a voice from the other side table yells at them. “I saw that!” Jisung says, pointing at them.</p><p>“Saw what?” Jaemin replies, voice innocent, his right arm coming to hug Jeno from the side. Jeno stifles a laugh on Jaemin’s shoulder. He’s never been a good liar. Jaemin’s breath tickles on his ear, and he can’t hold his laugh anymore when he says: “You didn’t see anything, Park Jisung, or I’m disowning you!”</p><p>The entire table turns to look at them, and Jeno’s face is red from laughing, but Jaemin's laughing too, and he can’t quite mind anymore.</p><p> </p><p>After pretty much everyone’s gone except for them, they offer to help Jaemin to tidy up the place. Mark, Donghyuck and Renjun end up helping to clean the kitchen, while Jaemin, Jeno and Jisung work on the living room and dining room.</p><p>Jeno loses count of the amount of glasses they carry, but after half an hour, Jisung's finally carrying the last bowls to the kitchen, and they can rest. He’s a bit sleepy, and he barely manages to suppress a yawn.</p><p>He looks at Jaemin, who’s lying on the sofa, and tilts his head, questioning.</p><p>“Tired?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaemin replies, smiling nonetheless. “Wanna go outside for a while?” He asks then, pointing at the glass doors at the other side of the room.</p><p>Jeno nods, sobering up as they make their way to Jaemin’s backyard. The glass doors are half open, the white curtains fluttering. The summer breeze hits them as soon as they are outside, heavy and hot.</p><p>“Did you have fun?” Jaemin asks, voice quiet.</p><p>Jeno nods, only to realize a second later that Jaemin, in front of him, can’t actually see him. "Yeah,” he says then, wondering why Jaemin had wanted to come outside. He is about to ask about it when he feels something wet on his face.</p><p>He looks up, and like clockwork, it begins to drizzle.</p><p>“Uh,” Jeno mutters. “Didn't the monsoon season end like two weeks ago?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaemin replies, looking up to the sky. It’s dark already, as it’s past two am, and the raindrops are few and slow. “I could think of it as my last birthday gift, I guess?”</p><p>Jeno laughs, shaking his head. “Yeah, you could,” he says, still looking up, even though his face is getting damp. It’s childish, this rush he gets as he stands under the rain, but it’s a good feeling anyway, and that's all that matters. “Happy birthday, Jaemin.”</p><p>And he doesn’t know why he says it, or why he grabs Jaemin’s hand with his own next, but he does. They are close right now, their shoulders almost bumping into each other, their eyes meeting at the same level. Jeno used to be a few inches taller back then, but Jaemin is practically the same height now.</p><p>“Thank you, Jen,” Jaemin says, laughing before looking at him curiously, but not moving away from him.</p><p>Jeno tries to smile again, to swallow the knot in his throat, but it's useless. Because Jeno can’t look away, can’t look away from Jaemin’s smile and can’t turn away from his laughter, from his heart, from everything that Jaemin is.</p><p>And he wants to say more. To tell him that he can’t believe he’s here, with him, after all of these years. That when his mother asks about him, Jeno doesn’t know what to tell her. That it had been his fault what happened to them, it had always been his fault. The words get stuck in Jeno’s throat, uncomfortable, like the warm, humid summer air.</p><p>Jaemin comes closer, a small, soft movement, almost imperceptible if it weren't for the fact that Jeno is looking at him, can only see <em>him</em>. Jaemin opens his mouth to say something, but the rain starts to pour even harder, the distant sound of thunder cracking across the sky above them, and Jaemin closes his mouth again, no sound escaping from his lips except from his shallow, uneven breaths.</p><p>A single drop falls from his nose onto his lips, and Jeno lifts his hand, closer and closer to him. He softly grazes his lips with his thumb, cleaning them, his hand warm against Jaemin's cold, wet face.</p><p>They look at each other for a moment, before Jaemin drops his gaze onto Jeno's lips, and Jeno's breath stutters.</p><p>"Jen," Jaemin breathes out, pausing to lick his lips, his tongue accidentally brushing against Jeno's thumb, and Jeno can barely suppress a shudder. “Can I—”</p><p>He doesn't wait for Jaemin to finish the question. He comes closer, a hand onto the back of Jaemin's neck, and Jaemin immediately gets it, because he sighs, and finally, <em>finally</em> kisses him.</p><p>Jeno shivers under Jaemin's touch, his hands finding their way to his hips, and he opens his mouth, Jaemin's tongue in between his lips. He feels hot and dizzy, because there's summer on Jaemin's warm fingertips, gold specks of sunlight on his lips, and it’s been so, <em>so</em> long since he's tasted them.</p><p>Their kiss is a long time coming, almost inevitable. Jeno doesn't believe in fate, but if there was anything he’d like to believe in, then this is it. Because this feeling is like the summer rain, falling head first to the green field at night, softly, relentlessly washing him all over.</p><p>This feeling is everywhere and anywhere, hot sunfire, and Jeno lets himself be consumed by it.</p><p>Jeno lets himself be set ablaze.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i've wanted to write a fic with non-linear narrative for a while now, i hope to do it justice. things may seem a bit complicated as of now, but in the next few chapters we'll see more of their past and why they are like this right now! rating will probably change in the future, by the way.</p><p>hopefully next chapter will be up in december~<br/>hope y'all enjoyed this one! ^^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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